I have a consent nightmare that I get killed and feel the pain as it we’re so real and it never bothered me but now ever since I found her life’s worth living and My only fear is dying now because if I’m gone I’ll never see her and I never get to hold her again kiss her make love to her I’ll never be able to be with her. So I try my best to be careful now instead of taking reckless actions I think twice and it’s good that I do she hasn’t changed me but she’s made me realize I I really am the person I’ve been hiding and I’m Great full for that.
This year I turned eighteen.
I was more surprised than anyone, believe me.
I’ve always been convinced that I would die young.
I’ve never liked the fact that death
was out of my control. Something I couldn’t stop.
So I told myself I’d take the matter into my own hands,
and choose for myself the right time to die.
Everyone has heard the saying “the good die young”.
I wanted that to be me. I just couldn’t seem to
make people like me on this earth so, just maybe,
they’d like me once I left.
But then I turned eighteen,
and I told myself it was too late to die young.
But also, that it was too early.
The other day I woke up - and I was happy about it.
One day, you’ll have that too.
One day, you’ll wake up and thank yourself
for not giving up. There’s nothing heroic
about dying under your own circumstances; it’s only tragic.
People will hear your story and be saddened.
I don’t want to make people sad - there’s already enough
sadness in the world.
I want people to hear my story of how I survived
the demons in my head, and smile;
because they know they can too.
Because one day, they could be telling their story
to someone else who needs to hear it.
We’ve all had nights where we wished
we wouldn’t wake up the next day - but I’m telling you:
just wait until you see what it’s like
to wake up,
and be glad that you did.